


Somehow I Just Want You More

by Blue_fantasy



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Angst, Babies, Based on Song Lyrics, Canon Compliant, F/M, Feels, Fix-It of Sorts, Force Bond (Star Wars), Force Dyad (Star Wars), Happy Ending, Introspection, Missing Scene, Non-Chronological, Novelette, POV Rey (Star Wars), Post-Canon, Post-Star Wars: The Last Jedi, Rating May Change, Song Lyrics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-28
Updated: 2020-05-28
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:02:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,267
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24416326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blue_fantasy/pseuds/Blue_fantasy
Summary: A canon-compliant missing scenes one-shot series
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Rey, Rey/Ben Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Comments: 6
Kudos: 18





	Somehow I Just Want You More

**Author's Note:**

> Your kudos, bookmarks, and subscriptions are much appreciated.
> 
> Your comments are fuel to keep me writing! 
> 
> Come say hi to me on Tumblr at sapphire-reverie

As Rey finished filling her tray with whatever the latest concoction was that the mess staff had come up with, she looked up across the handful of tables to see Rose waving her over to where she sat with Finn, Poe, and some other pilots. Her new friend wore a giant grin as she reached across the table and shoved at Poe’s arm for him to scooch over and make room for Rey. Poe glanced up at Rey and gave a solemn nod.

Ever since their escape from Crait, Poe had been different, his hopeful positive vibe gone. But then again, she had changed as well. As she slid onto the bench next to him, she was wishing she had just gone back to her quarters to eat in solitude.

“It’s so nice to see you, Rey,” Rose chirped. “We haven’t gotten to talk much since getting here to Ajan Kloss.”

Rey just nodded in acknowledgment as she ate a mouthful of the salty sludge from her tray. 

“So, Chewie tells us you were on the _Supremacy_ , that you saw Kylo Ren kill Snoke,” Rose said in a jarringly cheerful manner.

“Mmmhmm,” Rey answered as she continued shoveling food down, her eyes on her tray.

“I heard General Organa sent you there to convince him to come home to her,” the pilot on the other side of Poe, whose name had completely escaped Rey.

Rey paused in surprise at that. She hadn’t gone there on anyone’s orders. Leia or Poe or someone was covering for her. She glanced at Poe out of the corner of her eye to see him looking down into his food, a mirror to her posture.

“I can’t believe the general would risk you for a fool’s errand like that,” Finn growled in anger, stabbing at chunks of what might have been Corellian potatoes on his tray. “That monster is a hopeless cause. There is nothing worth saving left in him.”

Rey slowly set her fork down on her tray and slid her hands together under the table between her knees, her eyes still focused on the last bits of glop in front of her. She could feel the heat rise up her neck to the tips of her ears and across her cheeks. It began to burn behind her eyes. It took all the concentration she could muster not to lose it in front of them all.

“But the general must sense something or she wouldn’t have sent Rey,” Rose said in her cheery voice laced with uncertainty. “She is strong in the Force. She’s been training Rey now that Master Luke has become one with the Force. And Kylo--er--Ben--er--whatever his name is, he’s her son. They must have some sort of bond. You know, be able to sense each other, sense their feelings and such.”

“You really believe in all that Force stuff?” the pilot next to Poe asked Rose.

Rey gripped fabric from her tunic in her fists under the table.

“Of course I do. Isn’t Rey enough proof for you?” Rose said incredulously, her eyes wide in anger. Rey glanced up to see her friend clasping the pendant around her neck.

The pilot was silent. No one said a word as the discomfort grew and the moment stretched out.

Rey took a slow sip of her bantha milk as she worked to keep calm. There was nothing she could say to these people to make them understand what she thought she had seen in Ben, what she felt deep down could still be there though she had been gradually losing hope.

“No matter. What would we have done with him if Rey could have convinced him to come with her?” Finn asked. “Have the Republic put him on trial? Surely he wouldn’t just be coming home to be with his mother.” His tone was thick with vitriol.

She glanced again at Poe who just nodded his head in silent agreement. But could she blame him for feeling that way about a man who tortured him, who violated him?

“How could anyone even imagine that man, that miscreant, in their lives, being a part of their life? Maybe the general, but no one else would even care about him. Heck, most of us would take one for the team and end him if we could,” Finn continued to rant about his former superior, a man who had stomped fear so deep into his being.

But she couldn’t do it anymore. She couldn't sit there listening to them. She stood up and cleared her tray from the table, dropping it loudly in the bin near the trash receptacle. It was so loud, the whole room went hush and she knew all eyes were on her.

“Rey,” she heard Rose say softly with genuine concern.

Rey kept her eyes down, fighting the tears, and just shook her head in response as she stalked off.

They were right. From where they stood, he was evil incarnate. But she knew the whole story. She knew what Snoke had done to him, that he had been in his mind since birth, corrupting his reality and poisoning all that was good in his life. Similar to Finn, he had been stolen from his family, stolen from Leia and Han. While she had been on Jakku waiting for her parents to return, Leia and Han waited for their son. Leia still waited.

And now Rey waited with her. She knew what she had seen. She knew what she had seen of their future. She saw him by her side. She saw him in the light. Saw him wielding Luke’s old lightsaber.

Finn’s words rang in her ears as she made her way to her quarters. What was she thinking? What would have happened if he had come with her? There was no way she could have brought him to the Resistance. They would have pushed for his execution.

And the fact that she didn’t want that to happen spoke volumes about where she stood compared to her friends. Deep in her chest, she could feel an ache at the thought of a galaxy without him. Even now, as she kept her barriers up to keep him out, she felt like a part of her was missing.

Finally reaching her quarters, she fell backward onto her cot, letting the tears burst through as she stared at the ceiling above. She thought about her friends’ words, about their feelings, the doubt that Ben Solo could ever be redeemed. Those feelings were so hard for her to understand when juxtaposed with her feelings, her thoughts, her knowledge of the man. Her hope for him.

She laid there crying, every tear trailing from the corners of her eyes and into her hair, around her earlobes, down the back of her neck.

Maker, had she been falling for him? She turned onto her side and curled her knees up to her chest. She was so exhausted, she could no longer hold up her mental walls. The room became still and muted and at that moment, she saw him appear across from her. He was sitting with his elbows on his knees, his head in his hands, fingers weaved through his sweaty hair. Slowly he looked up and met her eyes, his own rimmed red, his expression full of desperation.

And they just stayed like that, watching one another, not moving, not saying a word.

The next morning she couldn’t remember if she had seen him fade away or if she had fallen asleep with their connection still open.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> Come say hi to me on Tumblr at sapphire-reverie


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